


Five Times Bruce Completely Misread The Situation And One Time He Got It Right

by curlysupergirl



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Superman (Comics), Superman - All Media Types, Superman/Batman (Comics)
Genre: Confusion, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-01-13 15:40:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18471952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlysupergirl/pseuds/curlysupergirl
Summary: “Hey Clark, I got Netflix for you, like you asked!”





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Clark, I got Netflix for you, like you asked!”

“Hey Clark, I got Netflix for you, like you asked!”

 

“Oh awesome” replied Clark, with a hug. Bruce leaned in very happily, pressing his head against Clark’s chest and listening to his heartbeat. “I’ve been mooching off Lois’s account for years, so this’ll be nice.” Clark kissed the top of his head. “Thanks so much!” 

 

Bruce stiffened in Clark’s arms. 

 

“Wait… what do you mean, ‘account’?”

 

“Her Netflix account.”

 

Bruce stood pressed against Clark without responding. 

 

“Like, her profile,” added Clark, trying to explain. “I wanted an account of my own. They’re like eight dollars...” 

 

Bruce stood silently for another minute. 

 

“Ohhh… you wanted an account… on the service.”

 

“Yeah, what did you buy?”

 

Bruce went silent again, until Clark pulled away from the hug to look at him. 

 

“... Netflix.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter one based on this prompt: https://batbrosbeforehoes.tumblr.com/post/170700123399/bruce-i-got-netflix-for-you-like-you-asked


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”Hey Clark, I bought you Adidas.”

“Hey Clark, I bought you Adidas.”

 

“Oh yesss, thank you!”

 

“I don’t know why you love them so much.”

 

“I just think you looked so sexy running around with your silver streaks in your hair and your outfit on fleek like a college kid.”

 

“God, my parents must be rolling in their graves at the thought of me in a tracksuit. Clark you really need to find some friends your own age. I mean, Jimmy is lovely, but really? On fleek? I’m not even sure you’re using it correctly. Maybe you can get him to spend some time with Kara. She could use some younger friends.”

 

“Not a tracksuit,” interrupted Clark. “It’s an amazing cowl-neck sweatshirt and those sexy sweatpants that get tight around your ankle. Ugh, I love it!”

 

A slight blush stole its way across Bruce’s face as he listened, quietly amused.

 

“Well at least now we can look amazing together,” continued Clark. “And I’ll make an effort to talk to more people at work. But first, where’s the outfit?”

 

“What outfit?”

 

“The cowl sweatshirt-sexy sweatpants combo.”

 

Bruce stood with a blank look on his face.

 

“The Adidas activewear?” clarified Clark.

 

Bruce was silent for another moment.

 

“He’s coming tomorrow.”

 

“Who’s he?”

 

“The Adidas designer.”

 

Now it was Clark’s turn to stare.

 

“To take your measurements and get an idea of what kind of fabrics and designs you might like… you know, normal things a designer does.”

 

“You booked me a session with the designer of Adidas?”

 

“Yes, how else does one purchase clothing?”

 

“From a store Bruce. From a fucking store! Who gets custom made sweatpants?!”

 

“All my clothing is bespoke,” replied Bruce, getting offended. Realization dawned on him. “Wait- the clothing I wore last week was… off the rack?” he asked in horror.

 

“You are seriously so disconnected from reality; you’re like a character from a movie. Didn’t you ever walked into a store as a kid and buy whatever cost fifty cents because that’s all you had in your pocket? And maybe get something for a few cents extra because the cashier was very nice.”

 

“Seriously, Clark? You’re like a character from a comic book in the 50s. ‘Gee golly, Mister, that’s awful nice of you. Have a stupendous day!’”

 

Clark folded in half, trying to catch a breath in between his laughter.

 

“So dramatic, Bruce. Well if you get to spoil me with gifts from your world, I get to spoil you with experiences from mine. Put on the tracksuit, we’re going out.”

 

“In public?”

 

“Yes, Bruce.”

 

“Where?”

 

“To a candy shop. Or a convenience store. Or a pharmacy,” he replied, kissing Bruce.

 

He pushes the Adidas outfit into Bruce’s hands.

 

“And you’ll only be spending a dollar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who’s enjoying the story so far? Comments make me smile and hand out internet cookies :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Guess what I got you!”

“Guess what I got you!”

 

Clark looked up from his phone to see Bruce bouncing on the balls of his feet, so quickly he was practically vibrating. He’d never seen Bruce this excited before. Clark smirked as he likened his normally stoic partner to Impulse, of all people. 

 

Putting his phone down, Clark peered over Bruce’s shoulder at the small white envelope behind Bruce’s back. It was too small to fit a card and too flat to contain anything other than paper. He could just make out some lettering on the top right corner, indicating that the envelope had come from Bruce’s company. 

 

“… A paycheck from Wayne Enterprises?”

 

Bruce chuckled as he thrust the surprise present into Clark’s hands. 

 

“Open it!”

 

Clark opened the envelope and saw two long and narrow strips of thick paper. He pulled them out. 

 

“You’ve been talking about this for ages!!” exclaimed Bruce. 

 

Clark glanced at the tickets in his hand. 

 

“You got me tickets to The Cursed Child?”

 

“Yes! They were sold out for the next two years but you know I would do anything for you, honey.”

 

“You got me tickets to the show I refuse to acknowledge as part of the Harry Potter canon?”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“… But… you love Harry Potter.”

 

“Yeah. Exactly. I love Harry Potter. Why would I want to watch a show where they make him out to be a jerk so big I can see him from outer space without my super-vision?! I’ve been talking about how bad it is for ages! Everything since the last book has been terrible! I mean, the nerve, to turn my childhood hero- okay so he was a bit of dunce, but he was a kind dunce who worked hard at being considerate, and they basically got rid of all my favorite characters anyway- to turn Harry into this horrible person who ignores and neglects his children.  **_He_ ** might not have grown up understanding love and care but that’s exactly why I know he would have worked extra hard to make sure his kids NEVER feel the way he felt. Seriously, Bruce, how dare you?”

 

Bruce sputtered, his face beet red. He wisely refrained from pointing out that Clark was already an adult when the first Harry Potter book was published. 

 

“What… what was that play you loved? With Harry Potter..?”

 

“A VERY POTTER MUSICAL!! YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE FLOWN IN DARREN CRISS TO PERFORM IT.”

 

“I could make that happen…”

 

Clark’s anger immediately dissipated. 

 

“Ohmigosh Bruce, could you? That would be so  amazing. We could even film it properly this time so we have a nice quality copy to rewatch in the future.”

 

“Yeah, honey, of course I can do that,” Bruce said, walking over to give Clark a hug.

 

“You’re the best, Brucie-bear.”

 

“Only for you, sweetheart.”

 

Clark relaxed into the hug and a moment passed in silence. 

 

“You know I can feel you googling Darren Criss right now. How can you not know who he is? He’s like this little bundle of joyful energy.”

 

Bruce sighed and glanced at his phone screen. He quickly scrolled through the TV credits, already regretting what he was about to ask. 

 

“Would it help if I watched Glee with you?”

 

“Eek!”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You mentioned wanting a weekend getaway, so I got us one!”

**Ding-dong.**

 

Clark rang the doorbell of the manor.

 

**Ding-dong.**

 

Bruce opened the door.

 

“Hey, Honey. Almost forgot I gave Alfred the day off. Not used to answering my own door. The only people that ring, besides my old fashioned love, are solicitors.”

 

“My spoiled brat,” said Clark with a smile. “I have a surprise for you!”

 

“That’s funny because _I_ have a surprise for _you_.”

 

“Me first!” exclaimed Clark. “Remember last week I mentioned us having a weekend getaway?”

 

“I do,” replied Bruce.

 

“I got us -drumroll, please!- ‘Wanna Get Away’ tickets from Southwest. I know we both have really busy schedules that are prone to emergency changes in plans so I got us tickets whose value can be used toward a future flight if we have to cancel ours last minute.”

 

“That’s…. nice. So thoughtful of you.”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I don’t remember the last time I was in a plane that I was not piloting.”

 

“It’ll be fun. Relaxing.”

 

Bruce’s mind flashed to an airport full of screaming children, hundreds of tired and smelly passengers, and of course, paparazzi.

 

“We have different definitions of relaxing.”

 

“Well that’s why I thought you could plan our actual trip.”

 

“Awww,” he cooed. Clark really was so thoughtful. “Where are we going?”

 

“Sunny Florida!”

 

“Oh that’s perfect. Right near my surprise.”

 

“What’s your surprise?”

 

“Well you mentioned wanting a weekend getaway, so I got us one.”

 

“Oh amazing! When for?”

 

Bruce was silent.

 

“... Anytime.”

 

“Wow, where is it?”

 

“A little off the coast of Florida.”

 

“Awesome, do you think we can book the weekend that we go down to Florida? That way we can spend a few days touring the parks then head over to our weekend getaway.”

 

“What do you mean book?”

 

“Like… reserve a room for two, maybe some activities.”

 

Bruce was silent once again.

 

“Oh. You wanted a weekend getaway. Like a getaway for one weekend.”

 

“Yeah, I know they can be a little pricey, but I figured it wasn’t out of your range. Wait, what did you think I meant?”

 

Bruce had the decency to blush this time.

 

“Bruce, what did you buy?”

 

“An island… off the coast of Florida… to use on weekends.”

 

Clark burst out laughing.

 

“We really do lead completely different lives.”

 

Bruce looked sheepish.

 

“But now we’ll lead them together,” continued Clark, with a smile. “Love you.”

 

“And I, you,” replied Bruce with a kiss.

  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hit me up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning (involves spoilers): 
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter contains mature themes and elements of BDSM. I have not added these as tags to preserve the element of surprise that is embedded in the story concept but felt the warning should be present for those who would rather skip this chapter. For those who do not wish to read, feel free to come back next week for the finale! You do not need to read this chapter to understand the ending.

Bruce’s phone dinged once.

 

**iMessage from Clark**

 

He swiped to open it.

 

**Baby I’m soooo hot fr you why are you working tonight I need you to come hit me up**

 

Clark didn’t get drunk often. No earthly alcohol was strong enough or long lasting enough to withstand his enhanced metabolism. Lucky for Clark, he had quite a few alien friends, and once in a while, they would take a night off together. Tonight was clearly one of those nights.

 

 _Swoop_. Another message came in.

 

**You’re so strong and sexy I want to feel every ounce of power buried in your muscles**

 

_Swoop._

 

**Come on baby**

 

_Swoop._

 

**Come work on me**

 

_Swoop._

 

**Hit me up**

 

Bruce’s eyes widened in surprise as he read the messages, but he would do anything to make Clark happy.

 

Eventually, Hal and J’onn delivered Clark to him later that night and as Bruce tucked him into bed, he pondered how to come to terms with Clark’s desires. The fact that this request came when Clark was drunk was evidence that it was something he truly desired, but was previously ashamed to ask for it. Bruce lie awake that night, aroused and conflicted. He didn’t like to admit how much enjoyment he got out of his nightly job, but if Clark asked for it, if Clark wanted it too… then maybe it was okay.

______________________________________________________________________________

 

“So I’ve been thinking about what you said a few weeks ago… and I think we can make it work.”

 

Clark racked his brain, trying to think what Bruce was talking about. He came to a blank and then realized… he couldn’t remember anything from the night he got drunk.

 

“Yeah, babe?”

 

“I mean, I was hesitant at first, but if that’s what you really want…”

 

Clark still had no idea what Bruce was talking about, but on a slow Friday night, he had the whole weekend to figure it out without revealing his own ignorance.

 

“You know that no matter what you do, you’ll make me happy Bruce.”

 

Bruce looked into Clark’s eyes.

 

“Okay, yeah, let’s do this then.”

 

_Whack!_

 

Bruce hit Clark behind the knees with a steel rod. Clark was so surprised, he barely registered the click of the retractable rod expanding before it hit him. He fell to his knees and looked up at Bruce, who shoved his crotch into Clark’s face.

 

“Put your mouth on me.”

 

Clark opened his mouth.

 

“Unless you need to say ‘stop’, then the only thing I want to hear you say tonight is ‘yes, Sir,’ or ‘please, Sir’.”

 

Clark moaned and put his mouth around Bruce’s groin then stilled.

 

“So you _have_ done this before. Or you’re just naturally inclined to follow my orders. Either way, it’s beautiful that you know your place. Come,” he said, and he walked over to the couch and gracefully sunk into the cushions. He spread his legs and patted the top of his thighs. “Across my lap.”

 

Clark crawled over to the couch then rose and draped himself across Bruce’s lap. Bruce ran his hands down the back of Clark’s legs in appreciation then reached for the waist of his sweatpants and pulled them down, not surprised at all to find that Clark had forgone wearing underwear for their weekend trysts. Bruce traced a circle around Clark’s asshole with one finger.

 

_Smack!_

 

Clark whole body tensed in surprise, but before he had a chance to react, Bruce spanked his other asscheek.

 

He breathed in a sharp breath through his nose, then moaned.

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Later that night, Clark lay on Bruce’s naked chest, basking in the afterglow.

 

“You know, Bruce, I shouldn’t even have to ask how you know I wanted this, because you’re a brilliant detective, but don’t people usually talk about these things before trying them?”

 

Bruce’s fingers stilled in Clark’s hair.

 

“You asked me for this.”

 

“Mm?” asked Clark.

 

“That night you went out with Hal and J’onn. The night you got… oh my God do you not remember the night you got drunk? Oh my god I should have asked you beforehand! I’m so sorry, Clark, I’m so sorry.”

 

He pulled away from Clark and sat up in bed.

 

“Hey,” grumbled Clark. “I’m not done with my aftercare. Give me the rest of my cuddles.”

 

“But I-”

 

“Bruce. Cuddles.”

 

Bruce lay back down and gathered Clark into his chest once more.

 

“You texted me, you know,” said Bruce, trying to process some of his guilt. “See?”

 

Bruce showed Clark the phone.

 

Clark glanced at his messages and blushed. Then it dawned on him.

 

“You know what ‘hit me up’ means right?”

 

“Yeah I think I just showed you that I know what it means, Clark.”

 

Clark couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping.

 

“It’s slang. Kara was helping me text you that night. It’s young people talk for ‘call me so we can plan to get together’.”

 

“You let Kara come to your night out? She’s like sixteen.”

 

“Technically she’s sixteen years older than me, and all aliens are welcome, as well as humans who bring alien alcohol.”

 

Bruce huffed.

 

“But we’re getting away from ourselves here. You totally thought hit me up meant I wanted you to actually hit me.”

 

“You enjoyed it!”

 

“So did you!”

 

“We’re meant for each other, aren’t we? You’re the only one who really makes me believe that we were born with better halves.”

 

“I love you,” said Clark with a kiss to Bruce’s chest.

 

“I love you too,” replied Bruce. “So much.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t understand how this keeps happening, Bruce. How much more explicit can I get?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! We made it to the end! Leave me a comment if reading this chapter makes you as happy as it made me to write it :)

 

 

“You bought me what?”

 

Clark looked down at the high resolution photo that he was quite sure contained the planet Saturn.

 

“A fucking planet, Bruce? Seriously? How much money do you have? Who buys a fucking planet, Bruce?”

 

“Well technically, I bought and named one of the seven rings of Saturn, not the entire planet.”

 

“You- What?!”

 

Clark glanced through the telescope at the gorgeous ringed planet.

 

“I don’t understand how this keeps happening, Bruce. How much more explicit can I get?”

 

“I just wanted to make you happy, Clark.”

 

“You do make me happy, Bruce,” replied Clark softly, still peering through the telescope to look at his latest gift. “That’s why I asked you for a ring. I want you to make me happy,” he said, finally turning around and stopping dead in his tracks. “...forever.”

 

Clark covered his mouth in surprise. A few feet away, Bruce knelt on one knee, holding the most gorgeous diamond ring Clark had ever seen.

 

“You… you didn’t misunderstand,” Clark said tearfully.

 

“Turn the photo over, Clark.”

 

On the flipside of the photo was a certificate of donation, declaring that the seventh ring of Saturn would now be referred to as the “Clark Wayne” ring.

 

“Marry me, Clark. Make me happy forever.”

 

“Of course I will!” replied Clark, grabbing Bruce under the arms and hauling him into the air. He gently slipped the ring onto his fourth finger and flew into the air, spinning Bruce around in a two sided twirl.

 

“I love you,” he said, with a hug and a kiss.

 

“And I give all my love to you,” replied Bruce in Kryptonian. “Forever.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this story, make sure to check out my other Batman/Superman story here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9247580


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